Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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