shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
