I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
