You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
