hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
