Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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