i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
