Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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