it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
