Nicole vs. Life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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