at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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