She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
