Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
