Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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