i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
