i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
