I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
