I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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