We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize