Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
