You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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