I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You left your phone here
Wait...
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