There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
