my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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