Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
