I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
