I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
