no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night