If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
being pregnant is like rehab
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Randomize
