wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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