I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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