can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."