I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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