planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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