Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
