why didn't you poke me back
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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