i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
