I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
