Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
