So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
