My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
