JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
