I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
