Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
