Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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