Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
