I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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