He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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