evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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