Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
