I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
