I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
