What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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