he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
