Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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