Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.