Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF