I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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