1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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