It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now