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He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Randomize
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