in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
