I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.