Your face is a jimmy john
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?