Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
