She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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