I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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