I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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