I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
