I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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