It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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