I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
