at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
