I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
