Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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