is your mom at the bar?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
