If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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