ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
