I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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