so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
